Book Review - How Can I Forgive You?


Independent Practitioner/Fall 2005

Book Review

“How Can I Forgive You?” – Author, Janis Abrahms Spring

Peter Skivinny

Contents

Table of Contents

Editorial and Opinion

President’s Message — Jeff Barnett

President-Elect’s Column — Lillian Comas-Diaz

Editor’s Column – EBT and EVT. Can We Please Stop? — Ed Lundeen

Special Editor for Practice Column– Answering Alan — Stanley Graham

Contributing Editor’s Column – Ocean Swells Ahead — Pat DeLeon

In Search of An Identity — Carol Goldberg

Classic Reprints

Tort Reform Does Not Equal Malpractice Reform — Ron Fox

Technology Updates

Usability Review, Div 42 Members Website — David Palmiter

Browser Toolbars and Enhancments — Pauline Wallin

Division News and Notes

Convention Summary ’05 — Miguel Gallardo

Division Financial Report Summary — Katherine Nordal

Proposed Division Budget for 2006

President’s Annual Report — Jeff Barnett

Photo Summary of APA — Photos by Alan Entin

Book Review

“How Can I Forgive You” by Janis Abram Spring — Peter Skivinny

EGY Kicsi Ostobaság

Clem Helps Psychologists — Martin Williams

Relocating By the Sea Ramblings — Marve Plotnik

Janis Spring authored one of the most popular recent (perhaps all time even) psychology self-help books, “After the Affair”. Many clinicians wisely use this as bibliotherapy for the frequently encountered post-affair marital/couples therapy. If you’ve not seen it, I recommend doing so – its utility is well documented.

Where “After the Affair” left off, Spring picks up with “How Can I Forgive You”, though this book expands beyond the pain of infidelity and branches into all areas where harm has been done one to another. She offers us a full overview of the varieties of forgiveness or the lack thereof that, while they certainly fit bounds of common sense, likely aren’t part of the standard lexicon of most clinicians. “Cheap forgiveness, refusing to forgive, acceptance and genuine forgiveness” make up the 4 sections of the book. As hoped for in most practical works, Spring offers clinical examples to highlight her thoughts. The examples are varied enough to give this book wide appeal to anyone struggling with wounds caused by others.

Spring offers a nice distinction between acceptance of the hurt of another and genuine forgiveness. Acceptance requires only the wounded to come to grips with their pain, while genuine forgiveness needs both forgiver and forgiven to play their role. Many of our patients will never get the genuine forgiveness they so crave and Spring offers a lovely step-wise progression to outline how the wounded can come to terms with their own pain in the face of incomplete or non-repentance by those doing the wounding.

True forgiveness is hard work and Spring does not soften the load with her honest assessment of the effort involved. She even offers a section on what those who seek forgiveness for their hurtful acts must do.

I found myself reading this book thinking of a few patients who might read it usefully. As a reference book to keep on one’s loaning shelf (and we all hopefully have such a shelf – books are meant to be read not sit and decorate. Occassional losses are inevitable but worth the goodness given via the sharing), this is a worthwhile (and softcover) volume to have or recommend.

“How Can I Forgive You”. Janis Abrahms Spring. Perennial Currents (A Division of Harper/Collins). 2004

Return to Top