I never attended a school that required us to wear uniforms, though my high school did require suitcoats and ties of the boys and dresses for the girls. It later changed to allow anything, and with the change, it seemed that deportment went down with it.

But today, it seems that nearly EVERYBODY wears a uniform. I can hardly recall the last time I saw a coat and tie on a man, or a dress on a woman.

We’ve become a nation of unisex dressers. A colored t-shirt, often with an advertisement on it, jeans and tennis shoes cover most people these days.

It’s boring to see.

For an hour, I’m exposed to these chesty advertisements as an unwilling target. Coke, Pepsi, the Rams, some restaurants, large stores, Harley-Davidson, Yamaha, Pontiac ( they still build excitement ), Oil-change places, and more rarely, fabric softener and Penzoil. The one place that I thought I’d spend a portion of my life in an ad-free zone is filled with ads.

It’s not fair, at least not to me. Whatever happened to those plain shirts that had color, style and good looks, but didn’t advertise anything? Why do I have to see an ad for Disneyland for an hour when I’m trying to help someone deal with a crisis? Don’t they know that it only distracts the ADHD side of me, and starts me longing to visit Goofy and Mickey once more? It’s harder to do serious work when I see a woman’s chest emblazoned with “I’ve got Curves”.

I know it. I can see it. I don’t need to be reminded.

Some shirts have humor written on them. Some profess hobbies, such as “I love fishing”. Some just “Love New York”, perfectly understandable. Others tell of winning big at the gambling boat (‘I’m a winner at the Casino”), and others love beer...all kinds of beer. Michelob Lite is a funny shirt. Why would somebody want to place that on their persons and do all that free advertising for them?

So I’m thinking of asking my patients to dump the ads and their cellphones too. Plain, attractive clothing will be the required uniform to get treated at my place. I know that it’ll raise standards nicely.

Though not, perhaps, my standard of living.
Sigh.
Pepsi Frank

Rock Test

I’m working on creating a new psychological test, and could use some input.

It’ll be called the Rock Test. Materials used: rocks.

Technique: Give a kid a rock. That’s all. Then see what he does with it.

It’s projective, I’d guess. I don’t yet have any standardized responses, since I’ve only given it to one kid. But I have some ideas:

Depressive kids will just stare at it and hold it.
Hyperactive kids will toss it in the air.
Psychopathic kids will toss it at me.
Histrionics will tell you how cool it is, and how it reminds them of...
Borderlines will scowl when you give it to them and not want to examine it, and then not want to give it back.
Schizophrenics will stare at it and listen to its inner voice.
Obsessives will rotate it in 30 degree segments until it has been examined, then turn it on its other edge and do the same again.
Low functioning kids will call it a rock.
High functioning kids will tell you all the things they see in it.
Even higher functioning kids will make up stories about what they see going on in it.
Immature kids will try to lick it.
Sexually acting out kids will also try to lick it. I’m not sure how to separate those two groups yet.
Sports oriented kids will toss it from one hand to the other.
Narcissistic kids will tell you that they have better rocks at home.
Manic kids will use it to rapidly tell you a 10,000 word story in 12 seconds about what a rock could do and how libraries work and how computers don’t run fast and...
Anxious kids will worry about holding it and not feel comfortable until they give it back.
Hypochondriacal kids will ask if it’s clean.
And needy kids will ask if they can keep it.