Relaxed Island Dr. Lala From somewhere off the clear blue waters near Antigua, we join the Official APA Research Vessel, the Variance on a cruise to relocate the famous Gilligan’s Island experiment. As you may recall, the Captain, Mary Jane, Ginger, the Howells, etc. were made castaways as part of a social psychology experiment that went awry. After several days of sailing, and using the latest in satellite navigation systems, the Variance remains unable to locate Gilligan’s Island. Suddenly, off to the east, a strange cloud appears, much like the strange clouds that appear in science fiction movies before something takes place which could not possibly be explained except for the strange cloud which gives us the signal that inexplicable occurrences should be taken in stride. Suddenly the Variance is enveloped in mists of swirling digits and symbols, including the square-root symbol and the phrase “meta-analysis,” which swirls by in psychedelic, rainbow text. “Whoa! What was that?” asks one of the researchers board, and then goes back to trying to figure out why his Global Positioning System is indicating longitude in negative numbers. After the strange cloud passes, one of the scientists turns on the A.M. radio just to see what’s up in the world of Caribbean talk shows… * * * * “Hello and welcome to de Island Dr. Lala show, where we offer good advice and a relaxed Island Attitude for all life’s problems,” says the talk show host with a very strong Jamaican accent. “Just sip some iced tea in de shade, and your problems will go away.” “Well, now, let’s take our first call of de day. And remember callers, if de phone just seems to ring and ring, that’s alright because I’m alone in the studio, there is nobody screening de calls, and it’s good to have a relaxed attitude towards life and let time just happily pass by. I will answer the phone after a good long while and you just stay in the shade and feel happy. “Let’s take our first call,” says Island Dr. Lala. “Hello, who is calling, please?” “Hello, Island Dr. Lala, my name is Jane Doe and I am my children’s mother.” “Well, Jane Doe, it’s very nice of you to call up de show, and I’d love to hear about all your problems, but tell me, why do you say you are your children’s mother? Who else could possibly be the mother of your children?” “I’m sorry, Island Dr. Lala, but I thought that was a very good thing to say when calling a radio advice talk show,” says the caller. “You don’t have to say those cult-like code words when you call me up. I am no uptight, bossy, talk show dictator; I am Island Dr. Lala, and I am just happy to get calls. Besides, the June American Psychologist says, ‘… neither mothers nor fathers are essential to child development…,’ so I say get more relaxed about the genetic connection between you and de children you are raising.” “Thank you, Island Dr. Lala. I will try to sip some iced tea in the shade and have a more relaxed Island Attitude. “So, Jane Doe, did you have a question for Island Dr. Lala, or were you just calling up to pass the time on such a warm and beautiful day.” “I do have a question, Island Dr. Lala. I am trying to make a living as a psychologist, but the patients don’t come anymore, except for the managed care patients where I get paid a bag of peanuts and some Snapple.” “Jane Doe, you have to adopt a more relaxed Island Attitude. You can take the peanuts and give them to the monkeys at the zoo, and you can keep the iced tea for yourself.” “But Island Dr. Lala, I am so anxious about my future.” “Jane Doe, here’s what you have to do because anxiety is very, very bad. If all de psychologists took all de bad anxiety energy dat they spent worrying about no longer being able to suckle on dat big managed care, third-party teet and put dat same energy to constructive use, dey would all be rich. I recommend you get under a big shade tree and read de books by Kal Heller, Dana Ackley and Lou Perrott, and then go to workshops by Offer Zur and listen to the wisdom of Art Kovacs to learn about how to have an insurance-free practice. Also, there is PICK-42 and many articles in the Independent Practitioner that will help you move in a new direction with a relaxed Island Attitude. And keep in mind that Pat DeLeon is the next APA president, who will bring a very good Hawaiian attitude to de APA—also a prescription privileges attitude. I know a Hawaiian attitude is not as relaxed as a Caribbean Island attitude, but he can learn from me how to drink iced tea in de shade if he tunes in de show. In fact, maybe I will anchor the Island Dr. Lala boat in the Potomac and broadcast my good vibes of Island relaxation to the APA building.” “Thank you, Island Dr. Lala. Good bye.” “Well, we have plenty of time for many more calls because Island Dr. Lala is never in a hurry. Let’s take another call. I can hear that de phone’s been ringing for about an hour. “Hello, and welcome to the Island Dr. Lala show. I am Island Dr. Lala, and what is your problem?” “Hello Island Dr. Lala, I am John Doe, and I am the father of my children.” “Welcome to the Island Dr. Lala show, John Doe. As I told de last caller, you don’t have to play those games with me and say de phrases over and over again to prove dat you are one of my loyal listeners. I am just happy if you sit in the shade and drink iced tea and stay relaxed.” “Thank you, Island Dr. Lala. Here is my question. Is the American Psychological Association trying to normalize pedophilia like I heard on some radio talk show?” “Thank you caller, for dat very funny question. Dat gives me a big chuckle and makes me sit back and sip some more iced tea. I love to get a funny question from a caller, and I hope all de listeners out there join me in my relaxed Island Attitude and not take such funny attacks on the APA seriously.” “But Island Dr. Lala, they say the Rind et. al. study published in the Psych. Bulletin proves that the APA is trying to normalize pedophilia.” “Caller, if you don’t stop making de jokes, Island Dr. Lala is going to bust a gut. When people get in a relaxed Island Attitude, dey are capable of seeing that the Rind et. al. study very appropriately discussed the validity of their findings and the limitations of their methods. If de APA publishes a journal that publishes an article—following masked review—that finds that child sexual abuse may not always cause devastating harm to survivors in college samples, dat is a very, very far cry from the APA trying to normalize pedophilia. From my relaxed Island Attitude, I think that article is very positive because is offers hope to survivors of childhood sexual abuse dat they may be able to overcome the harm dat was done to them and go forward in life. “If you want something to worry about, stop worrying about the APA, and think about being the “et. al.” in Rind et. al., or Adorno et. al. or Bouhoutsos et. al. or Festinger et. al. How would you like to be a co-author of a very well-known study and have no one ever learn your name because most people only read secondary sources and fail to see your name in the original citation? I know I would rather be Island Dr. Lala et. al. instead of Smith, Jones and Island Dr. Lala, which will be known for eternity as Smith et. al. …” * * * * Static replaces the Island Dr. Lala show, and we sense the return of the strange cloud. Back on the Variance, someone clicks off the radio. One of the researchers speaks, “You know, we may have amnesia for all this after the strange cloud returns and puts an end to these paranormal phenomena, but I have a feeling that Island Dr. Lala’s relaxed Island Attitude will stay with us and help us. Too bad we’ll never find Gilligan’s Island, but I think we need to have a more relaxed attitude about that, and about managed care too. Suddenly, I am filled with a good Island Feeling about mental health parity and prescription privileges legislation. Does anyone have some iced tea?” Dr. Williams occasionally takes time away from humor to practice clinical and forensic psychology in Redwood Estates, California. His current concerns include conducting Dialectical Behavior Therapy groups for patients with Borderline Personality Disorder and testifying in licensing board and civil suits involving psychotherapists. Dr. Williams can be contacted at (888) 225-9957 or mw@drmwilliams.com
	Martin H. Williams, Ph.D.