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Sunday Ramblings |
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Humor |
By Frank Froman |
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The Reluctant Leaver It never fails. It’s the end of the day. My 4 o’clock has finally finished, and it’s now about 5:03. My stomach is sending some signals, and my tush is tired of sitting. I’m ready to wrap it up and head home. “Well, have a great week. See you next Friday. Remember to do your homework like we talked about.” “Doctor Froman, I just have one more question.” “Yes?” “I was wondering what to do about my mother. She has been showing some signs of forgetfulness. Yesterday she didn’t know where she was. Could this be a problem?” “Has this happened before?” “Well, it’s only happened since Tuesday.” “What happened Tuesday?” “She fell on her head when she was in the bathroom.” I can hear my stomach’s growling receding in the background. “Have you had her checked by a doctor?” “She doesn’t like doctors. She won’t go. And she keeps throwing up and says that she’s having trouble seeing. Do you think she could be having a problem?” It’s things like this that always come out after a full hour’s session. They never come out while we’re addressing central therapeutic issues. Then there’s the person who opens up a whole new central topic area at exactly 5:03. “Well, it’s time to go. See you next week”. “Thank you, Doctor Froman. By the way (words that portend trouble at 5:03), I’ve got a party tonight. Is it OK to drink?” “You’re on 300 mg. of Zoloft, 6 mg. of Xanax, 100 mg. of Buspar, and 150 mg. of Elavil. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “But my doctor didn’t say anything about not drinking, and this IS my daughter’s 2nd birthday party. I DO want to have a good time.” So now it’s time to talk about the danger of drinking while taking a slug of meds. “It’s not a good idea to consume alcohol on top of those medications.” “But why not?” I’m hooked. The discussion can go long into the evening. Finally, there’s the utterly reluctant leaver. “Time to end for today”. My client just sits there. “Well, it’s been a good session. Let’s break for now.” Still, they sit there. I start to get up. They sit. “It’s time to go now. See you next week.” Nothing. However, I do notice blinking and breathing. They are still alive. “Well, let’s get up and head on out now.” Nothing. I head for the light switch and turn it off. Nothing. “Juliuse, it’s time for us both to leave. I need to get home. My wife is expecting me right away. Time to go.” Nothing. “Juliuse, are you OK?” “I was just thinking about my mother and how she treated me when I was four.” “Well, we can talk about that next session.” “She was mean. She was really mean and she hurt my feelings.” “Yes, Juliuse, it’s good that you’re starting to remember. We need to talk about this next time.” “Why did she have to say those mean things to me when I tried so hard to be good?” “Juliuse, I know that you’re having some strong memories now. I want you to write them in your journal and bring them here next week.” “I was just trying to be good. She was mean.” “Juliuse, these feelings are so important and we need to talk about them. Let’s do that next week. Right now, it’s time to go home.” “But why didn’t she ever love me?” “ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Two Kinds of People-That’s All! There are only two kinds of people in the world. We all know it.Nope, it’s not men and women. They’re both one kind, so to speak. Nor thinkers or feelers, or extraverts and introverts. The two kinds are the folks who are optimists v. pessimists. I can’t recall a day that has gone by in my 30+ years of treating peoplewhen I haven’t heard somebody tell me that “I never expect anything good to happen. That way if it does, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.” Then there are the people on the other side of the coin who always expect the best to happen, and get disappointed if it doesn’t. I’ve tried over the years, using all the techniques that the CBT and REBT folks have given me, but seldom seem able to dissuade people who are confirmed members of their sects. And after all these years, I’m not really sure which group has the better philosophy. The pessimists have NO expectations that anything good will happen. If California goes up in smoke, they’re ready for it. “Told you so”, they might say. If their kids go badly, “I knew he’d turn out like this.” If Bush gets re-elected, well, we won’t go there, now, will we. Those who expect the best are often let down when it doesn’t happen, butseem to nearly always reset themselves, after some time dealing with the pain, and return to their native optimism. So which is better? To expect nothing and be happy when things come your way, or to expect good things and sometimes have to deal with major disappointment? Dr. Murray Banks used to tell the story of two children, identical twins, one of whom was an optimist and the other, a pessimist. The mother, after consulting a Psychologist, devised a plan to even them up a little. For their birthdays, she gave the pessimist a room full of toys. The optimist got horse manure.When the children woke up and saw their presents, the pessimist said glumly that “the kid next door has better toys”, and sulked the rest of the day. The optimist was seen digging furiously through the manure, smiling,exclaiming, “You can’t fool me! Where there’s manure, there’s got to be a pony!” Schizophrenogenicity Remember when we learned about schizophrenogenic mothers? For those of you who are too young to recall that mythology of earlier abnormal psychology, it was suggested that mothers who did this activity would cause insanity in their offspring by sending dual messages, saying one thing while actually conveying another. This myth has been largely disproved, and has pretty much gone the way of defective toilet training as a cause of obsessive compulsive behavior. But schizoP (as I’ll call it) has been fully resurrected in our family, thanks to the introduction of TWO (not one, but TWO!!!!!) aging mothers who have learned its techniques from some unidentified source. Both my and Laura’s mother are quite skilled in the practice. Some examples may help. I dropped into my mother-in-law’s apartment yesterday to change a battery in her clock. Not a big deal. She was happy to have her clock back, telling me that she needed it in case the power went out. Then the SchizoP started. “How’s Laura?” Fine. “And the boys?” Fine. They’re all well. Eric’s coming to town this week. “Oh. That’s nice. I hope he has a good time here with you and Laura.” He’ll come to see you too. “If he has time, that would be nice. But I know he probably won’t be here very long.” He’ll be here. I know he wants to see you. “I don’t want to put him out.” So, have you been getting any exercise lately? “I walk around the block. It’s enough.” Good. “Well, it’s not like it was walking in your neighborhood. Here I have to cross the street, and I’m not as fast as I used to be, so I just walk around and around this block. It’s enough for me. I’m an old lady.” Walking is good wherever you can do it. “You know, nobody can live forever.” You’re doing well. “I know. The doctor hoped he got all of the cancer.” (she had a blip removed from her neck a month ago). You’re doing well. He feels confident. “But it’ll be ok whatever happens. It’s not like I have so much to live for these days. How is Laura? She must be busy. I haven’t seen her for a while.” She’s fine. Still hard at work on her dissertation. “Well, tell her I love her.” OK. I will. I know she loves you too. I drove home, called my mother on my car phone. Hi Mom. “I was sitting by the phone in case you called. I’ve been sitting here since this morning.” Mom, it’s 3 in the afternoon. Didn’t you do anything today? “Well, you know how boring this place (her NH) can be. I just sit here and listen to my music and wait for your calls. “ So, how are you? “I’m doing better. Yesterday I only had to wait for 30 minutes for the lady to get me off the toilet. And they remembered that I needed a shower last night. They’re so busy here. It’s all I can do to get two showers a week sometimes.” So, how was lunch? “Lunch? I went, but the food was unappealing. I had a sip of coffee and that’s all. It’s not like I do that much here to burn calories. Your calls and your sister’s visits are all that I have to look forward to anymore.” Well, I know you’re doing the best you can. “I just sit here waiting for your calls. They mean so much. I know that you can’t get down here much anymore. You’re very busy. That’s good. You must have a reputation.” Yeah, I’ve got a reputation. “It’s good. Your father would be proud.” Have a nice day Mom. Talk to you tomorrow. “I’ll be sitting by the phone waiting.” |
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