Frank Froman is an inveterate scamp. His apocraphyl doppelganger, Marve Plotnik, is reputed to be the last managed care provider west of the Mississippi. He is also a pig farmer and social theorist in that order.

Magellan Health Care, together with Health South, Kaiser and Value Options, have jointly released a new game of Monopoly, called, simply, Monopoly. [The game would more correctly be called "Monopsony" but let's not split hares - Ed.]

Marve and I played it last night. He liked it.

We each selected our board pieces. We shook the dice for position. He won, and took the pig, of course. That qualified him to be 'Management.' I wasn't surprised. I took the mouse. It was the only other piece left. It was understood that it stood for 'provider'.

I won the dice shake and started, landing on "Credential. Lose one turn. Marve made it to Executive compensation increase. Receive one million dollars.

I checked the bank. There wasn't that much in there to give him. He said the game allows the money to be taken from the 'direct services for recipients' booty. He shook again. "Deny benefits to 100,000 MH recipients. Collect $10,000,000. Shoot, I said. He was really lucky.

My turn. I landed on the corner. "Recredential yourself. Lose one turn." Drat.

Marve picked up the dice. He landed on Chance. Picked a card from the pile. "You have thrown away 10,000 claims. Many will never be refiled. Take $10,000,000 from the health care account."

He rolled again. This time he landed on "Executive Perk". It said to roll the dice, and take that number times one million dollars from the health care disbursement monies. He rolled an 8.

It was my turn. I blew on the dice for luck. Marve said that there was a rule against that, and that I forfeited my turn. Sure enough, it was written in the inside cover that no 'provider' could do anything to insure that he would have any luck at all during this game.

Marve went again. "You have been made president of the company. Take $100,000,000 in salary and bonus." I couldn't believe it. He was Monopoly wealthy. I was busted. I conceded. "You can't concede", said Marve. "Says here in the instructions. You gotta keep playing. If you concede, I get to shake for you."

There was no way out. No ending. Disgusted, I tossed the dice onto the board. I landed on "Take a Provider Card". I shuddered. "Your claims have been downrated. Refund $50,000 to the company. Take one card from the penalty deck." I took one card. By now, I had a feeling that playing was no fun anymore.

"Your rates have been dropped to $40 per session." I threw the card on the pile. Marve passed "Go" on his next turn, getting his $2,000,000 for making it around the board. He had successfully navigated around the "Go to Jail for malfeasance" spot, but picked up a lot of bucks for landing on "refuse hospital treatments for suicidal adolescents". He also won big when he landed on "Xmas bonus. Premiums up, benefits down. Take $10,000,000 as a bonus."

Maybe next time I'll take the pig and he can be the mouse.

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