We’re naming kids with dumb names, and I’d like to see that change. Since names mean so much, and what you’re called can have a key impact on your life (Johnny Cash, A boy named Sue), I wondered about some names that could truly be potent.

There’s “Really Something”. My mother used to call me that at times, although when she used it, I’m not sure if she was being all that complimentary. But when she called me “Really Something”, I usually smiled until she told me to wipe that smile off my face. I’m still curious about what she meant. There’s “Something Else”. A good name. “You’re Something Else”. Depending on inflection, might be good, might be bad. It’s a two-way name, like Really Something. If those two married, they could become “Really Something Else”, which I think is a great accolade in some countries. “Someone Special” would be good. “Hi. I’m Someone Special”. I like that. We all know of Jesus Christ. A popular name around our house. He lived in our bathroom, I think, and seemed to be a particularly poor driver around Lawrence, according to my dad who often talked to him about his inability to drive a car. There’s “So Good, Too Good, and Good Enough”. The family of Goodies. Most of them have anxiety disorders to help keep them in line. And for neurasthenics, you could call them Barely Alive. “Pleased to meet you. You must be Barely Alive”. It’d fit. There must be tons of other great names that come to mind. Feel free to enter them in the annual div. 42 naming contest, where Russ Holstein will award this year’s prize from his annual sale of used psychological reports.