I admire clarity in communication.
In these days when there are so many opinions about what to do and how we might progress in certain things, it’s reassuring to be told something that starts with the words:
1. The fact of the matter is..., or
2. No reasonable person could dispute that....or
3. The only thing that makes sense is that...or
4. There is only one plausible explanation...or
5. The truth is...
6. I am absolutely convinced that...
7. Nobody with a brain could disagree with...
8. It’s as clear as the nose on your face that...
9. As a matter of fact...
In fact, Number 5 is my all time favorite. When that expression is used, it helps me to rid my mind of all other alternative explanations, since I now have been exposed to The Truth.
The truth is, that some of us use that particular expression a lot when we want to drive a point home. I am absolutely convinced that we use it extensively, especially in politics. The fact is, no reasonable person can dispute that politicians use it most of the time. It just makes sense. There are no other plausible explanations. Am I being perfectly clear? Crystal?
Using one of these starters lets the world know of the speaker’s unwavering commitment to his/her point of view. As a matter of fact, when you use one of these starters in a conversation, it essentially tells the listener that this is NOT a point of view message. It is a Truth Message. The fact is, opinion has just graduated to Truthiness. And when you get one of those, believe me, there’s just no point arguing about it.
Until I realized this, I’d often found myself wanting to verbally spar with anyone who presented opinions using these words. Now, so help me, I do understand that and can’t ever see me making that mistake again.
And that’s the truth.
Helping the Helpful
Every so often, I get a patient who does most all of the work of treatment.
It’s nice. I get to sit back and watch the process unfold. It often goes something like this:
“So I asked myself, should I call for someone to help me with this problem, or should I try to handle it myself.
“And the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I needed some help, so I called you.
“Not that I expect you to have my answers for me. I know that it’s up to me to do the work.
“So then I asked myself, what do I most want to accomplish in treatment...should I work for better relationships, or start with issues from my past. And the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I needed to deal with some issues of my past, especially things about my father.
“And as I thought about it, the one thing that stood out, more than anything else, was when he wouldn’t come to my games. I felt really hurt. I wanted to quit the team, but I didn’t. So I tried extra hard to please him, and have been trying all my life to win his approval.
“But then I thought, why are you doing this? What’s the point? Will you ever get his true acceptance, and does it even matter at this stage of life?
“No, it doesn’t. Once it might have, but now, he’s old and we at least can talk with each other. It’s enough. I can deal with his being too busy for me. I understand how hard he had to work to support us all, and that his 12 hour days were necessary to keep us alive. So I can put aside my feelings of anger, and feel really good that I can do that. I can see how much he really did care.”
It goes on and on like this. At the end of the hour, I announce that our time is up.
“Doc, you’re terrific. You’re helping me a lot.”
Yeah. I know.
After submitting a pile of insurance claims to Illinois BC/BS and having EVERY ONE of them rejected, I had my annual nervous breakdown this week.
Been looking for the ideal time to do it, but it needed a significant trigger. The straw... the broken shoelace...you know the moment that it hits.
My secretary brought in the rejections. They made no sense whatsoever. All had previously been paid on. Now, nothing.
So, I broke down.
Now your breakdowns and mine may mean different things. But I do believe that each of us has within ourselves some moments when we feel like tossing up our hands and just saying those words that launch our descent. So I said my “Oh, shit!” and looked at each claim in disbelief. I could feel my jaw set. My teeth were clamoring for me to cease the pressure on them. My brow was furrowed like a newborn mountain range. Any sphincter was sphincted.
Eyes got really beady. Then they rolled up into the top of my head and just stayed there, searching for a solution.
“Call them”, I said. “Please find out what we did wrong.” Those were the last words that I could mutter while I was having my breakdown. I sat there waiting for an answer. It was not long in coming.
“They said they made a mistake.”
“WHAT?”
“They said it was a computer glitch on THEIR PART, and that they would reconsider all of these claims.”
“IT WASN’T US?”
“No, it was them.”
I started relaxing. Eyes down, mouth open, muscles relax. We’ll finish up with the sphincters later. Gotta hold on to at least some tension.
“Thanks”, I said. “That was good to find out.”
“You’re welcome. Anything else you need?”
“No. That’s more than I could have hoped for.”
“Then I’ll get back to my typing.”
“OK.”
My breakdown ended about ten minutes after it started. It felt like 11 minutes. That’s what happens when you have one.
Time slows. You get stuck in a vortex of space-time, and enter a black hole.
I’m OK now. Got to take some time to start planning next year’s breakdown.
Y’all do the same just in case you need to have one in ‘08.
