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Sunday Ramblings |
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Humor |
Frank Froman |
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On Reassurance From the beginning of the practice of medicine, doctors have been using reassurance to assist in their treatment of the sick.* However, things have changed in the era of Managed Care, and reassurance has been elevated in rank. It is now considered by most MC firms to be a first line treatment for a host of diseases and disorders. Interest in reassurance first came to light in a little known study that suggested that physicians who provide high levels of patient reassurance saw these patients get much better than those who simply treated with medicines alone. Moving to the next level was not difficult. Several “Reassurance Medical Centers” were then piloted in Memphis. These clinics, which housed doctors whose only tool was the provision of reassurance, began to thrive. Local Chiropractors began showing intense interest in this powerful treatment tool, since some of their own back-assaultive therapies did not always produce the massive gains that they promised. Results showed that Chiropractic, when coupled with reassurance, provided nearly a 50% increase in patient well being. These treatment effects lasted well past 10 days post treatment. With Magellan struggling, and states buckling under the strain of double digit increases in Medicaid spending, legislatures across the country have begun taking a serious look at developing Reassurance Clinics to provide primary quick-care services to the sick. Magellan’s chief mental health office, fresh from completing the requirements for his GED at International Correspondence Schools, has issued an executive memo hereafter making Reassurance Therapy the only therapy that Magellan will reimburse. “We think that a little reassurance will go a long way to helping our patients, and our bottom line as well”, said MC spokesperson Misha Guna. “All these fancy therapies with all their weird initials will soon fall to our choice of mandated therapy: ‘Reassurance’”. Simple techniques of reassurance therapy are already being listed on the Magellan website. Included in this treatment hyperbole are such phrases as:
Certification training for the Diplomate in Reassurance therapy (RT) is being offered by Gordon Herz (whose name I unfortunately misspelled last week) and his associates in Wisconsin. When asked if he can be ready to train all of the aspiring therapists needing certification, Dr. Herz reassured this author that it would be ‘strictly no sweat’. I, of course, felt immediately better on hearing that reassuring news. (Mea Culpa: The thought for this Ramblings came from some soul searching that revealed a personal disturbing trend in my practice. I discovered that I use more reassurance with patients under at least 2 conditions: When I’m overly busy and need to get clients on their way, or when I want to terminate with someone who does not make me feel like I’m being a good therapist. I never put ‘reassurance’ in my patient notes, however, unless I’ve done it at least two times. The first time, of course, is simply ‘assurance’. I’m not sure what it’s called when you do it three or more times. ) APA Cancels 2003 Convention In a controversial move sure to be debated for years, APA has announced that they are canceling next year’s convention, which was to be held in Canada. The shocking revelation was made when it was discovered that virtually none of the 11,000 Chicago participants were going to be able to return, after walking their legs off in McCormick Place. Psychologists across the country are in therapy trying to regain their basic ability to walk. According to convention planners, “They just won’t be ready or rested up enough to do Toronto. We should never have used Chicago’s McCormick Place as a venue for the convention. Distances between sessions were too great”. Marve Plotnik, the only holdout, did not agree. “Why”, said Marve, “It was only a coup’la mile from one meetin’ to another. Couldn’t been more than 6 or 7 at the most. These Psychologists just don’t take kindly to brief strolls. Why in Sedalia, we sometimes got to walk clear to Jefferson City to get our mail. Now THAT’s a walk.” Several attending Psychologists have been able to start wearing shoes again following the convention, though most are wearing either slippers or nothing at all on their feet. Podiatrists are recommending that they not do any unnecessary walking for at least 12 more months, taking them well past the Toronto convention. According to Podiatrist Dr. Tozar Shott, “Most of these people will heal if they just take it real easy, stay off their feet, and go to a competent reflexologist. It’d also help if they had daily whirlpool treatments, and had their spouses or kids bring everything to them as they sit in their easy chairs after a day’s practice at the office. APA convention planner Sadas Hek said that she is hopeful that we will still have a convention in 2004, and that we will have a smaller venue in which to operate. Marve is disappointed, since he’ll miss visiting with his many friends found at the Div. 42 Social Hour. He’s planning, instead, to take another MC sponsored course in dealing with patients with mixed personality disorders with borderline, antisocial, paranoid and histrionic traits. According to Marve, “It’s not as much fun as dealing with real Psychologists, but it’s better than nuthin’ and besides, I gotta get my CEU’s for MC certification renewal”. Way to go, Marve. |
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