| |
|
Those not familiar with the new work in this area sometimes ask: " Why do we need to study boys and men? Isn't psychology in general the psychology of men?" The answer is: Well, yes, of course, males have been the focal point of most psychological research. However these were studies that viewed males as representative of humanity as a whole. Feminist scholars challenged this traditional viewpoint by arguing for a gender-specific approach, and in the past three decades, have developed a new psychology of women. In the same spirit, men's studies scholars over the past fifteen years have begun to examine masculinity not as a standard by which to measure humanity (both males and females), but rather as a complex and problematic construct. In so doing, they have provided a framework for a perspective on men and masculinity that questions traditional norms of the male role, such as the emphasis on toughness, competition, status, and emotional stoicism, and views certain male problems (such as aggression and violence, devaluation of women, fear and hatred of homosexuals, neglect of health needs, and detached fathering) as unfortunate but predictable results of the male role socialization process. They have also provided a framework for creating positive new definitions of masculinity that support the optimal development of men, women, and children.
This new perspective on boys and men is both overdue and urgently needed. Boys and men are disproportionately represented among many problem populations - school children with learning or behavior problems as well as those diagnosed with ADHD, parents estranged from their children, the homeless, substance abusers, perpetrators of family and interpersonal violence, sex addicts and sex offenders, victims of life-style and stress-related fatal illnesses, and victims of homicide, suicide, and fatal automobile accidents. A new perspective on boys and men might contribute to the understanding and solution of some of these male problems which have long impacted women, men, boys, girls, and society in negative ways.
We are thus in the midst of a crisis of masculinity, in which many men are in need of psychological services, but few avail themselves of them. In response, organizations such as the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity (Division 51 of APA) have formed to study the male role and men's experience and to develop new, gender-specific approaches to treatment.
In addition, there is a "crisis of connection" between men and women resulting from major structural changes in women's roles over the past 40 years without compensatory changes in men's roles. This resulted from women's dramatically increased participation in the labor market. There has been an almost 600% rise in the employment of mothers of small children since the 1950's: 12% mothers of children under the age of six were employed in 1950, whereas almost 70% were employed in 2000. Women have thus moved from a sole emphasis on the family, and now combine career and family concerns. In making this shift, they have integrated traditional values such as love, family, and caring for others with newer values such as independence, career, and defining themselves through their own accomplishments. Many men have yet to make equivalent and corresponding changes. Although there has been some increase in men's openness to relationships, and greater participation in the emotional and domestic arenas, most men still cling to the older definitions, and emphasize work and individual accomplishment over emotional intimacy and family involvement. As a result, the pressures on men to behave in ways that conflict with various aspects of traditional masculinity ideology have never been greater. These new pressures -- pressures to commit to relationships, to communicate one's innermost feelings, to share in housework, to nurture children, to integrate sexuality with love, and to curb aggression and violence -- have shaken traditional masculinity ideology to such an extent there is now a "masculinity crisis" in which many men feel bewildered and confused, and the pride associated with being a man is lower than at any time in the recent past.
To many men, the question of what it means to be a man today is one of the most persistent unresolved issues in their lives. Raised to be like their fathers, they were mandated to become the good provider for their families, and to be strong and silent. They were discouraged from expressing both vulnerable and caring emotions, and required to put a sharp edge around their masculinity by avoiding anything that hinted of femininity. Unlike their sisters, they received little, if any training in nurturing others, and in being sensitive to their needs and empathic with their voice. On the other hand, they received lots of training in logical thinking, problem-solving, staying calm in the face of danger, risk-taking, and assertion and aggression. Finally, they were required at an early age to renounce their dependence on their mothers and accept the pale substitute of their psychologically, if not physically absent fathers.
For the past several decades, men have had the experience of attempting to fulfill the requirements of the masculine mandate in the midst of criticism that has risen to a crescendo. Men feel that they are being told that what they have been trying to accomplish is irrelevant to the world of today. Since women now work and can earn their own living, there is no longer any need for The Good Provider. Furthermore, society no longer seems to value, or even recognize the traditional male way of demonstrating care, through taking care of his family and friends, by looking out for them, solving their problems, and being one who can be counted on to be there when needed. In its place, men are being asked to take on roles and show care in ways that violate the traditional male code and require skills that they do not have, such as revealing weakness, expressing their most intimate feelings, and nurturing children. The net result of this for many men is a loss of self-esteem and an unnerving sense of uncertainty about what it means to be a man.
Men are caught in a trap both because they do not have the incentives and because they are ill-equipped to address the loss of the good provider role in a collaborative and equitable fashion with the women in their lives, and as a result react with anger and defensiveness. They do not have the incentives to address the loss of the good provider role in collaboration with their wives because of the power, prerogatives, and entitlements that accrue to them in a patriarchal society. And they are not equipped to address it in this way because to do so would require a degree of comfort and fluency with emotions (particularly those emotions that make one feel vulnerable, such as sadness, fear, or shame) that is rare among men, due to the effects of the male gender role socialization process.
As the relative power between men and women shifts as a result of the gains of feminism and women's increasing financial independence from men, men derive less benefit from their power and become more aware of their pain. To help men take the next step, and connect their pain to a critical examination and reconstruction of masculinity, we need to do two things. First of all, we must take men's experience seriously and adopt an empathic approach to their pain. If we want men to hear our message, we must first listen to theirs. Second, the masculinity crisis has resulted in a wholesale trashing of all aspects of masculinity, such that for many men the essential dilemma is that much of what they have been taught to value since childhood is under attack. To help men come to terms with the crisis and restore their lost sense of pride, we also must honor the still-valuable aspects of masculinity in order to restore the lost sense of pride associated with being a man.
|