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The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Freedom
By don Miguel Ruiz. San Rafael, California: Amber-Allen Publishing, Inc., 1997, 138 pages, $12.95.
The Four Agreements is a simple yet eye-opening book. Written by don Miguel Ruiz, a surgeon turned Shaman, this work is billed as a practical guide to personal freedom. As its title suggests, the reader is taught four important agreements, which when employed, can transform their life. The agreements are as follows: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. In order to understand the agreements it is first necessary to examine their theoretical underpinnings.
In the beginning of the book, the author sets out to explore the source of self-limiting beliefs which cause suffering for so many. Entitled "Domestication and the Dream of the Planet", the first chapter defines some terms and takes the reader on a journey from childhood to the present. "The Dream of the Planet" is the collective dream of humanity; including all of society’s rules, beliefs, laws, etc . . . Our individual dreams have been hooked to the Dream of the Planet. When we were children, adults hooked our attention- our ability to discriminate and to focus only on that which we want to perceive. They put information into our minds through repetition. This information was stored by agreements, which in turn led to unconditional beliefs. As children, we were not strong enough to challenge this process which the author labels as the domestication of humans. This domestication occurs through a reward and punishment system that allows socially desirable behaviors to be maintained and extinguishes those that do not conform accordingly. We lose our normal tendencies and eventually become auto-domesticated, no longer needing our parents, teachers, or society to feed us with information. Our mind has been constructed with its own Book of Law in which is written all of the rules that we have come to believe. Our inner judge constantly sees whether we measure up to those rules. Our internal victim receives the judgments, and bears the blame, guilt, and shame. This system is unjust because it makes us pay multiple times for one mistake. It assists us in rejecting and abusing ourselves. Unfortunately, most people are not cognizant of this reality. Even those who are more aware may prefer to keep their Book of Law because it makes them feel safe. The author’s suggestion for those of us who dislike the dream of our life and who want to live differently is to break the agreements that we have. By breaking the old agreements and accepting new ones, we can transform our personal hell into heaven.
There are four simple new agreements which the author provides. They are each detailed in separate chapters. The first agreement is be impeccable with your word. A person’s word is powerful and should be used in a way that is not self-defeating. Being impeccable with your word means speaking with integrity, only saying what you mean, and not gossiping and spreading your “emotional poison”. People are greatly affected by what they hear and when they make agreements based on that word it can lead to some devastating consequences. While this agreement is probably the most difficult one to summarize in a few sentences, the author clarifies the concept in a very comprehendible manner. The second agreement is don’t take anything personally. People tend to think that others’ behavior is dictated by their own existence. This is not true. This agreement is about taking responsibility for one’s own actions and realizing that others must do the same. This means not being affected by one’s insults or compliments because they are all a projection of their own reality, not yours. The third agreements is don’t make assumptions. The problem with assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. This can cause endless sadness and drama in our lives. Instead of assuming, we must learn to communicate clearly with others and discover the actual truth of the matter. We must also not make assumptions about ourselves which may lead to our own disappointment. Finally, the fourth agreement is always do your best. When you always do your best, there is no way to judge yourself. This agreement is essential for the other three to work because it will prevent them from becoming additional sources of self-criticism. Even if you are not always impeccable with your word, as long as you are doing your best then you have no need to feel bad about it. It is also important to remember that your best is not always the same.
The remaining chapters discuss the actual breaking of the old agreements and the new dream of heaven on earth. This dream allows one to be in control of their perception of reality, creating an existence which is devoid of the pain and suffering that plagued the "Dream of the Planet". The book is a very quick read. It is written in second person so the reader feels they are being guided on their journey. While the ideas may not appear on surface level to be earth shattering, the reader may be impacted by the profundity of wisdom. Even if one knows intellectually not to take things personally, when they read this book, they hopefully will understand it on a deeper level and feel it experientially. The goal of this book is not just feeding the reader information; rather it attempts to open the reader up to a whole new reality and inspires them with the possibility of a better life.
This book would be helpful for anyone who does not have any severe psychopathology. It speaks to many different people, and may be especially helpful for those with self-defeating beliefs, relationship or other interpersonal difficulties, and depression. While teenagers could read the book (as the reading level would be appropriate), an older audience, college age and up, may appreciate it more. It may be easier for clients with a more spiritual inclination, but it is still readable for those who don’t gravitate to that direction.
The use of this book in bibliotherapy would be to get clients thinking about important issues. While the book does not go into as much detail as would be hoped concerning the implementation of the agreements (there is a companion book which does), this is inconsequential for bibliotherapy because the point of this book would not be for self-help but as an aide in psychotherapy. The Four Agreements could be read upon commencement of psychotherapy to help increase client self-awareness. The clinician could assign a chapter as homework between sessions. When they reconvene, they could spend one session on each agreement and discuss the client’s feelings surrounding it. As further homework, the clinician could encourage the client to implement the agreements in his everyday affairs. Integrating this material into treatment would hopefully speed up the psychotherapy process so that presenting problems could be worked on sooner. It may also spark client willingness to change. Finally, it provides the client with the understanding that the process of change does not happen over night. Even though the agreements might appear to be a magic formula, the author explains that it is challenging to uphold them. This book would be extremely beneficial for those wishing to do a more cognitive-oriented form of treatment. Many of us associate psychotherapy with the traditional psychoanalytic talk model. This book can open up a client’s eyes to the possibility that their belief system may be causing them distress and that they can play a more active and direct role in their own therapy.