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Adult Children of Abusive Parents
By Steven Farmer. New York: Ballatine Books, 1989, 207 pp., $10.00.
Adult Children of Abusive Parents as a bibliotherapy aid is best for those patients who are in psychotherapy, have a comfortable relationship with their psychotherapist, and are willing to complete the homework and journal entries outside of the sessions with that psychotherapist. Steven Farmer, writes this book for those adults who have survived abuse as children, consciously recognized that they were abused by their parents, and are ready to understand the behaviors that currently manifest for them as a result of that early abuse. This text could be a helpful tool for an adult child of abuse within the context of psychotherapy with a professional offering help with and security for their thoughts and feelings.
A feature of the book that makes it so useful is the fact that the author speaks to the reader as if they were in a psychotherapy relationship and not merely reading a book. This conversational tone facilitates a level of comfort and sometimes discomfort that is similar to the levels one might experience in an actual session. In addition, the author structures the text similarly to the way a competent psychotherapist might explain their professional abilities and collaborate to form goals with their patients. Farmer clearly states the purpose of the book, which is “…to help you recover what you have lost-the natural state of innocence, your real self that was buried long ago behind the psychological barriers you constructed to cope with abuse” (p. 5). The fact that the book is straightforward makes it somewhat similar to what a client may experience within psychotherapy. Knowing this should make the text more appealing to psychotherapists with patients coping with these issues. The text also describes its layout, which is broken into four specific parts, including some physical exercises, written exercises and journal entries. To help the reader make an informed decision about using this book in their treatment plan, Farmer presents the reader with an outline of the type of often painful ideas, concepts and activities that they will have to consider throughout the course of the book.
Another positive attribute of this text is the fact that it is written in language that the lay reader can easily understand. While the author uses psychological jargon such as PTSD, splitting, and catastrophizing throughout the text, thorough definitions are provided to assist the reader’s understanding. In addition, the author reveals that he is an adult child of abusive parents and can relate to what the reader is probably going through. This information can comfort the reader in many ways. First, readers can take comfort in knowing that they are not the only ones who have endured such a life. Secondly, readers can put more weight in the words that they have read, knowing those words were written by someone who actually felt what they are feeling. Also, readers can gain new hope in working through their emotions and thoughts about their abuse, thus enabling them to move forward in their lives.
Aside from the self-revelations and operational definitions, the author also uses snapshots of his former clients who were abused in the form of “mini” case studies. As one reads this book and gains more understanding about abuse, it becomes more difficult to maintain a certain distant attitude toward people who have endured abuse. An example of this understanding can be found in a passage that explains how children who are abused equate love with abuse and often seek that love when they are adults. The case studies have the potential to help both the patient and psychotherapist. The clinician can use them to get an idea of what patients may have gone through or be feeling. The studies can provide patients with an avenue to get in touch with and identify feelings that may be associated with their personal experience. These case studies also contain examples of both healthy and unhealthy families, practices, and thinking for readers to compare with their past and current situation.
In addition to everything that has been mentioned, there are other practical applications for this text. This would be a good book for fledgling psychotherapists or even experienced clinicians that want to gain more understanding about the adult children of abusive parents population. This text would not be useful for those patients who refuse to perform work outside of psychotherapy or who appear to be violent towards their once abusive parents while in treatment. This text would serve as a tool for readers in psychotherapy to feel as if they were taking an active role in their healing and extend the benefits of treatment beyond the therapy hour with the psychotherapist. Additionally, Farmer also includes life skills for both the reader who is struggling to survive as an adult child of abusive parents or just one seeking education on the subject. These skills include suggestions on how to listen with empathy through active listening exercises, how to become aware of and reduce destructive thinking, and tips on how to successfully raise children without abuse.
One way to integrate this book into psychotherapy is to include this text as a didactic tool, helping patients realize that they are not alone in their experiences and feelings. This text also presents a succession of homework assignments that seem to progress in the level of emotional intensity and introspection level. A psychotherapist may choose to assign these exercises to patients in order to further facilitate their healing process outside of the therapeutic hour. These exercises may help patients to reflect on their experiences and their feelings without the psychotherapist, giving some direction for the next therapeutic hour.
Overall this is a well-written book that would be a great addition to psychotherapy in the form of bibliotherapy. The text is only about two hundred pages long, written conversationally in understandable language, and mixes both didactic and “hands on” methods to educate the reader. However, there are a few limitations to this text. As was noted earlier this text would be most useful for individuals in a treatment situation in which they are comfortable with both the psychotherapist and the treatment relationship. There could be a problem with a psychotherapist introducing this text before the relationship is both secure and comfortable. If patients have not fully committed to the idea of psychotherapy and the practitioner presents this book, there could be the potential for premature termination due to the patient underestimating the need for guidance from a therapist. Adequate rapport and empathy will help the client perceive the therapist as someone who can help steer their efforts and progress. These patients could also read this book, decide to use the book as self-help text instead of a supplement to treatment, and drop out of psychotherapy. Keeping in mind whom this book would not be useful for and the caveats mentioned earlier, it is recommended that any psychotherapist who works with adult children of abusive parents should consider this book for bibliotherapy as a part of their treatment regimen.