Return to:
News and Views
Reviews: Books
The Mother I Carry: A Memoir of Healing from Emotional Abuse
By Louise Wisechild. California, SEAL, 1993, 273 pages, $10.36 - $12.95.
The Mother I Carry, by Louise M. Wisechild (1993), focuses on the mother-daughter relationships and healing from emotional abuse. Wisechild (1998) also authored the book, Obsidian Mirror. Both books are a valuable resource for working with people from dysfunctional emotions, particularly those individuals who are dealing with emotional and sexual abuse issues. Although the target population for the Obsidian Mirror is sexual abuse survivors, The Mother I Carry can be helpful for female survivors with estranged relationships with their mothers. Additionally, it is helpful for those clients who experienced emotional abuse and need to work on building “healthy” parents within themselves.
The image of the obsidian mirror is powerful in conveying that many survivors cannot see themselves. For Wisechild, (1998) it represents the abuse of the past and the healing of the future. It also represents change. It depicts the blackness and the darkness survivors feel inside because of the secret that they have carried for so long. I have seen this in my own work with sexual abuse survivors. In my art expression group for sexual abuse survivors, I have them paste a mirror on the page, look at themselves in the mirror, and draw or collage images around the mirror that represent self (Brooke, 1995; 1997). Some members cannot look into the mirror; a feeling shared by Louise Wisechild.
The metaphors continue in The Mother I Carry with the imagery of the house. This is symbolic of re-parenting. With the parenting she got from Carol, the mother figure, Louise's house was crooked and unstable. Images of houses are often symbolic of self (Brooke, 1996; Malchiodi, 2003, Brooke, 2004). In her healing process, Louise begins to replace Carol with her own, internal, mother who is strong, nurturing, and caring. Thus, the image of the crooked house is replaced by one that is open, full of light, and comfortable.
Whereas The Obsidian Mirror focuses on integration and healing from sexual abuse, The Mother I Carry concentrates on the mother-daughter relationship and healing from emotional abuse. Mother-daughter relationships are particularly difficult for many sexual abuse survivors. Abused women often feel estranged from their mother: "It is a complicated relationship, full of guilt, anger, distance, loneliness, and feelings of deep betrayal." (Kosof, 1985, p. 17) The difficulty experienced in the mother-daughter relationship seems to generalize to relationships with other women. Mayer (1983) notes that female survivors have difficulty dealing with other women. Wisechild (1993) talks about her struggles with females including her mother, her friends, and her lovers. In addition, she learns how to value and respect herself as a woman, which helps her value relationships with other women.
The Mother I Carry is particularly descriptive of the estranged relationship between mother and daughter. "The personal accounts of incest victims are replete with descriptions of distant, unavailable mothers and with expressions of longing for maternal nurturance." (Herman, 1981, p. 44) Often there is an extreme failure of maternal protectiveness (Spring, 1993; Brooke, 1997). When remembering her relationship with her mother, Louise describes several instances when her mother did not support, protect, or respect her. This failure is due partly to the powerlessness of the mother in the family. Carol, Louise's mother, purposely gave up her power and put Don at the head of the household. The power of men was not questioned by her mother even when it came to the abuse of her daughter by several family members. This type of relationship taught Louise, as it teaches other survivors, not to value themselves as women, not to trust other women, and that women are powerless. The powerless mother that survivors carry insides themselves has to be re-parented and replaced with an empowered, protective, and loving mother. The re-parenting process was beautifully described in The Mother I Carry.
On the positive side, Wisechild (1993) uses a variety of methods, movement, visualization, dream interpretation to increase self-awareness and promote healing. Psychotherapy is also a positive focus in the book. One potential limitation is that Wisechild (1993) uses memory as a devise for telling her story. These memories may trigger abuse memories in the client. Safeguards and copping mechanisms will have to be put into place so a client is prepared should flashbacks occur. Here, the clinician’s experience is critical in determining if the client is ready for the book, which can potentially open up Pandora’s box.
I would recommend both books for therapists and clients. The books can be used as tools for growth and recovery. In my own work with survivors, I begin with the Obsidian Mirror and then progress to The Mother I Carry. Although taking a variety of forms, the use of metaphors as effective counseling tools has been documented in the literature (Dolan, 1986; O’Hanlon, 1986; Hallock, 1989; Boone & Bowman, 1997; Inkson, 2002; Pearson, 2003). Communication tools such as the Obsidian Mirror and The Mother I Carry provide therapists with rich metaphors to strengthen the therapeutic relationship and promote healing and growth in their clients. For working with sexual abuse survivors, I would recommend beginning with the Obsidian Mirror to open up discussions of sexual abuse. The client will have to be emotionally ready to work on parenting issues before they can read The Mother I Carry. Often there is a great deal more resistance to work through with clients in terms of parent-child relationships. The Mother I Carry may be helpful in this respect but the therapist will have to use his or her expertise to determine if the client is ready to move into this realm.
REFERENCES
Barker, P. (1985). Using metaphors in psychotherapy. New York: Brunner/ Mazel Publishers.
Blume, E.S. (1990). Secret survivors: Uncovering incest and its after effects in women. New York: John Wiley and Sons.
Boone, R.K., and Bowman, V.E. (1997). Therapeutic metaphors: Gateways to understanding. International Journal for the Advancement of Counseling, 19, 313-327.
Brooke, S.L. (1995). Art therapy: An approach to working with sexual abuse survivors. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 22(5), 447-466.
Brooke, S.L. (1996). A Therapist’s Guide to Art Therapy Assessments: Tools of the Trade. Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas.
Brooke, S.L. (1997). Art therapy with sexual abuse survivors. Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas.
Brooke, S.L. (2004). [In Print]. Tools of the Trade II. Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas.
Dolan, Y.M, (1986). Metaphors for motivation and intervention. The Family Therapy Collection, 19, 1-10.
Forward, S., & Buck, C. (1989). Toxic parents. New York: Bantam Books.
Hallock, S. (1989). Making metaphors in the therapeutic process. Journal of Reality Therapy, 9, 25-29.
Herman, J. L. (1981). Father-daughter incest. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
Inkson, K. (2002). Career metaphors and their application in theory and counseling practice. Journal of Employment Counseling, 39(3), 98-119.
Kosof, A. (1985). Incest: Families in crisis. New York: Franklin Watts.
Malchiodi, C.A. (2003). Handbook of art therapy. New York: The Guilford Press.
Mayer, A. (1983). Incest: A treatment manual for therapy with victims, spouses, and offenders. Holmes Beach, FL: Learning Publications, Inc.
OHanlon, B. (1986). The use of metaphor for treating somatic complaints in psychotherapy. The family therapy collections, 19, 19-24.
Pearson, Q.M. (2003). Polished rocks: A culminating guided imagery for counselor interns. Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Education & Development, 42(1), 116-121.
Siegelman, E.Y. (1990). Metaphor & meaning in psychotherapy. New York: The Guliford Press.
Spring, D. (1993). Shattered images: Phenomenological language of sexual trauma. Chicago, IL: Magnolia Street Publishers.
Weissberg, M. (1983). Dangerous secrets: Maladaptive responses to stress. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
Wisechild, L.M. (1998). The obsidian mirror: An adult healing from incest. Seattle, WA: Seal Press.
Wisechild, L.M. (1993). The mother I carry: A memoir of healing from emotional abuse. Seattle, WA: Seal Press.