Return to:
News and Views
Reviews: Books
I Never Called It Rape
By Robin Warshaw. New York: HaperPerennial, 1994, 222 pages, $13.00
When we think of those who commit rape, we often think of dark, menacing strangers who lurk in alleyways waiting to attack the next helpless woman who walks past. Rarely do women consider the nice “friend-of-a-friend” we agree to date, as a potential rapist. Yet, “date rape,” which has broadened to “acquaintance rape,” is not an uncommon crime. However, it is uncommon for a woman to admit that she has been a victim of acquaintance rape; and more uncommon that a man will discredit the rationalizations that help him to deny that he has raped a woman he knows. The reasons this crime is kept secretive vary from the humiliation of having to see the “acquaintance” time and again, the myths about sexuality that are an ingrained part of our society, and even the fact that men and women alike fail to properly label the incident as rape. For these, reasons, the issue of acquaintance rape is a topic that may be approached in psychotherapy. In I Never Called It Rape, Robin Warshaw shares personal anecdotes from acquaintance rape survivors, a wealth of information regarding the psychology of acquaintance rape, its physical and emotional effects, and encouragement for survivors.
The intended audience for I Never Called It Rape is any woman who has been a victim of acquaintance rape, as well as anyone who desires a thorough understanding of this crime. This book is not appropriate for men who have been victims of acquaintance rape, even though a chapter about this matter is included. Although males are victims, and suffer the same physical and emotional effects of rape, Warshaw simply acknowledges that acquaintance rape occasionally occurs to men, but does not go in depth in describing the events of and reactions to men who have been victims of rape. The content is suitable for all readers beginning at the young adult level.
The book is organized so that the reader can either read through the entire book in a short time period, or easily find a chapter that pertains to certain aspects of acquaintance rape. This can be an asset when applied to psychotherapy, as it allows the focus to remain on the aspect most relevant to the unique situation of the client.
A psychotherapist may recommend this book to victims of acquaintance rape who are seeking comfort by realizing that others have had similar experiences, those searching for a reaffirmation that as victims, they are not guilty, or those who are learning to accept that they can define an incident in their life as an acquaintance rape. Perhaps, for a client who is reluctant to discuss her personal victimization, the identification with one or more specific anecdotes will help initiate a productive conversation between her and her psychotherapist about the event, without making it a personal issue. The book may also be helpful for those who are in denial or blame themselves for the incident, as it would provide the client with a different, non-threatening perspective. This coincides with the information the book relays, and perhaps is one of the author’s goals, in the process of coming to terms with one’s own victimization.
Many victims may simply be looking for manners in which to cope with the experience on their own. However, there are certainly clients in psychotherapy who will find it therapeutic to share this information with family members, spouses, and friends. A psychotherapist may want to recommend this book to the family members of an acquaintance rape victim, as the family attempts to understand the victim’s experiences. One of the emphases of the book is that many victims are blamed for what happened to them. Often it is by the men who rape, as a rationalization, but often it can be those from which the victim expects and needs the most support—family members. This may result from a variety of reasons ranging from mistrust, to ignorance, to cultural backgrounds. If a victim discloses, or feels that it will be beneficial to disclose this information to a family members, such as one’s parents, this book may help the family members to realize that a crime has been committed against their loved one, and hopefully that they will change a potential reaction of blame into support. Perhaps, sharing this book, and identifying with the anecdotes and information, will help a victim describe the often humiliating and frightening event, and its aftermath.
Warshaw includes a list of resources for victims of acquaintance rape and those who want to become more educated about this crime. The resources include titles of books, pamphlets, videotapes, program guides, and a list of organizations dedicated to acquaintance rape awareness and victim services, along with the respective contacts.
The first aspect of this book defines acquaintance rape, which Warshaw states quite simply as “a woman raped by a man she knows” (p. 11). The next aspect of this book discusses the reasons for such a high prevalence of acquaintance rape, specifically noting the societal aspects that aid in sustaining the rate of this crime. The author confronts misconceptions such as victims being responsible for what happened to them due to intoxication or manner of dress. She further confronts the attitudes about rape that men have. Gang rape, or “party rape,” is a topic that is covered by the author, and she specifically discusses these incidents as they occur on college campuses, particularly within fraternities. Also included is a section that discusses the public’s reaction to accusations of acquaintance rape. Reactions from others are often what is most feared by the victim, and rightfully so. There is a section that discusses the role lawmakers, school officials, and parents have in educating and informing the potential victim and the potential perpetrator, as well as the role each of these institutions has to protect those for whom they are responsible. This book offers guidance on helping acquaintance rape survivors manage their experience and continue living their lives.
The author of this book is very thorough in providing information about the dynamics of this crime. Included are the stories of women from teen age to middle adulthood. This is one strength of the book because all age groups are affected by this crime, some directly and some indirectly. Anecdotal stories and statistics are interspersed among the reading material in an attempt to encourage the reader to relate on a personal level. This piece of literature could be an asset to psychotherapy because it may help a victim to express her experiences more confidently due to the implied support she feels and identification with others who have had similar experiences.
It is unfortunate that in a book that is so strong in relaying victims’ experiences, the most current statistics are from the 1980’s and early 1990’s. Certainly somewhere there are more up-to-date statistics that would reflect the nature of this ongoing crime. This may give the mistaken impression that all acquaintance and date rapes occurred in the 1980’s and early 1990’s; however, recent documentation would prove otherwise. Though it is possible that victims may be more relieved to realize this crime is not new, but is finally being given attention that is needed to help prevent the problem and to help victims cope.
In conclusion, I Never Called It Rape can be integrated into the therapy of acquaintance rape victims and their families to aid in understanding and bringing closure to the event, finding comfort in relating to others with common experiences, and realizing that life will continue. The text is divided in such a manner that all aspects can be referenced easily. Warshaw provides much information about educating the public and assisting victims of this crime.