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Reviews: Books
The Obsidian Mirror
By Louise Wisechild. California, SEAL, 1998, 296 pages, $14.70 – 18.38
Although sexual abuse is a common occurrence and considered taboo in most cultures, it is not completely understood. The serious problems in our society are reflected in the destructive myths that surround sexual abuse. Often, clients will come to therapy holding these myths, which may impede their healing from the abuse. One way to start breaking the myths that surround sexual abuse is through bibliotherapy. Often, survivors feel alone in their plight. As therapists, we can expose them to works by individuals who suffered abuse. This can provide clients with a sense of universality and help them along their journal to heal.
In The Obsidian Mirror, Louise Wisechild (1988) comes to grips with the myths that surround sexual abuse. She moves from a place of self-doubt to the acceptance that she was sexually abused. The dissonance with this topic is vividly portrayed in Wisechild's description of her family's reaction. She brings home the point that sexual abuse occurs in all types of families, no matter how perfect they may appear on the surface.
In our culture and the religions that comprise it, we are taught to revere, obey, and uphold the omnipotence of parental authority. This image of the "perfect parent" pervades our culture. Family members, thus maintaining the image of the perfect parent, blamed Louise Wisechild, author of Obsidian Mirror, for the abuse. Initially, she even blamed herself. The role reversal is a common experience for sexual abuse survivors.
The Obsidian Mirror is valuable in showing the reader that parents are not perfect, that the child is not to blame for the abuse, and that memories and feelings about abuse are indeed valid. Also, her work is helpful in showing how the myths play a part in the shame and silence that surrounds sexual abuse Wisechild helps survivors see the struggle of healing and the difficulty in remembering the abuse. Reading about a woman who grapples with the memories and begins to break her silence is powerful for those people just beginning to recover from sexual abuse. Breaking the silence is particularly important in teaching the survivor that he/she can say no, he/she can validate self and become empowered.
Wisechild names several parts of herself in her journey to heal. Sarah is her critic while Carrie and the Sure Voice are her nurturing voices. She has several children; some very young and others are adolescents. Each personality coincides with a critical time in Louise's life and each personality has her own life challenges. These personalities guide Louise in her road to recovery. They teach her how to nurture herself and what is more important, to validate herself.
The roots of nurturing lie in our childhood experiences. The type of care we were given as a child influences how we nurture ourselves as adults. Children who survive dysfunctional homes never experienced healthy, nurturing behaviors. Sometimes, nurturing behaviors were shown in the context of an abusive relationship that leaves the child confused about self-nurturing. The foundation for self-nurturing is not only influenced by childhood experiences but by our own inner, critical voice. Often we are hard on ourselves because we do not 'live up' to others' expectations or our own expectations. As a result, we feel that we have failed. These critical comments compete with our nurturing voice and drown it out. If we cannot nurture ourselves, we may develop maladaptive behaviors or depend on others for this nurturing. Developing and strengthening our nurturing voice is a critical step in meeting our own needs. This struggle was played out in the book with Sarah, Louise's critical voice, and the Sure Voice, her nurturing self. Through her guides, Louise learns how to nurture herself in healthy, adaptive ways.
The book is helpful in describing the common reactions to abuse. As Wisechild notes, abusive parents will withdraw from therapy if censored or criticized. The Obsidian Mirror brings this to life by describing Don's reaction to Louise when she confronted him about the abuse. Denial, anger, and blaming the victim are common reactions. Jim’s, Louise’s brother’s, behavior, depicted this. Although he believed her at first, he later denied the abuse and was angry with Louise for hurting their parents. Since Don was in a position of power, his authority helped reframe the experience in the eyes of the family and presented Louise as the 'crazy' one. Unfortunately, this is a common experience for survivors.
I would recommend this book for practitioners specializing in the treatment of sexual abuse issues. It teaches clients about the road to recovery and that healing is possible. Also, it provides a sense of universality and identification with someone who has had similar experiences. For the counselor, it teaches about the use of metaphor as a method of healing. As a psychotherapist, I often use metaphor as a teaching tool since communication through metaphor can be less threatening, inspire the imagination, and come closer to unconscious material compared to traditional. The image of the obsidian mirror is powerful in conveying that many survivors cannot see themselves. For Wisechild, it represents the abuse of the past and the healing of the future. It also represents change. It depicts the blackness and the darkness survivors feel inside because of the secret that they have carried for so long. I have seen this in my own work with sexual abuse survivor. In my art expression group for sexual abuse survivors, I have them paste a mirror on the page, look at themselves in the mirror, and draw or collage images around the mirror that represent self. Some members cannot look into the mirror; a feeling shared by Louise.
Wisechild's work in both promotes empowerment and challenges our socialization process. She gives hope and validation to survivors of sexual abuse. Additionally, her work provides therapists with rich metaphors to improve communication and promote healing.