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Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self
By Sallie Foley, MSW, Sally A. Kope, MSW, & Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D. New York: The Guilford Press, 2002, 376 pages, $17.95
There are few topics that have the unique irony of being both sensationalized and mysterious; women’s sexuality is one of the best examples of such a topic. Discussed ad nauseum on sitcoms and talk shows, debated by scientists and researchers, and making endless magazines and self-help books fly off the shelves, women’s sexuality is nonetheless shrouded with myths, secrecy, and misunderstanding. Because of this, the woman who religiously watches Sex in the City may find herself embarrassed to discuss her sexual problems with her physician, her psychotherapist, or even her partner. Sex Matters for Women aims to dispel these myths and educate women about how their bodies work, how their sexuality is shaped, and where things can go wrong. It also guides women to help make things right again, which makes it an excellent tool to use in psychotherapy.
Sex Matters for Women was written to cover most every aspect of women’s sexuality. It seems most intended for sexually mature women of at least a high-school reading level; anything less than this may lead to confusion about the terms and situations presented throughout the book. Each topic and chapter can be included under the five themes presented by the authors. “Knowing your sexual story” explains how a women’s history and events in her life can affect the way she experiences her sexuality throughout her entire lifespan. By putting the pieces of this story together she can come to a greater understanding how she now functions as a sexual being. “Understanding your body” discusses sexual functioning and the roles that hormones, biology, and anatomy play in pleasure and arousal. “Making peace with your body” touches upon body image and health issues such as STDs and disabilities. “Creating a better sexual relationship” discusses ways to build a positive and sensual relationship with a partner, including issues such as communication and understanding male sexuality. Finally, “overcoming sexual difficulties” addresses the problems that women often experience in regards to their sexuality, such as low desire and/or arousal. The appendix offers specific techniques women or partners can use to improve understanding, overcome certain problems, or create better relationships. There is also a list of suggested resources for everything to books related to orgasms to mail-order sex toy shops for the interested readers’ easy reference.
This book would be an appropriate bibliotherapy tool for the woman in psychotherapy who is experiencing difficulties or negative feelings in regard to her sexuality, either within or separate from a relationship. The book will offer her explanations to why she may be feeling or experiencing things in the way that she does, and it will give her ideas about practical ways she can deal with her problems. The therapist can assign the book in its entirety for an overview on how to take care of her sexuality, or he can single out the parts most relevant to her unique experiences (the chapter on male sexual response will probably be of little interest to a lesbian reader). If the client is dealing with a fear of being touched, she can read the section on overcoming sexual difficulties and practice the sensate focus techniques detailed in the appendix. If the problem is inability to orgasm, the chapters on arousal problems and masturbation can be read and the suggested techniques attempted as homework. There are also discussion questions related to each chapter that the client may be asked to consider and discuss at the next session. As an educational tool or a practice manual, Sex Matters can be of some value to almost any woman concerned about or interested in her sexuality.
It is quite evident that the authors have the utmost respect for the reader; the language used is well-explained, and it seems professional without being clinical. It is obviously assumed that most every woman has the potential to experience her sexuality in a positive, affirming way. Although suggestions and techniques are given to help the reader overcome problems, it is stressed that the book is not an appropriate substitution for professional help when it comes to issues such as health or sexual trauma. However, nearly every aspect of the human sexual experience is explained clearly and in full detail; the reader will finish the book with expertise about how her body works and ways to increase her satisfaction with her sexual life.
Several other aspects about Sex Matters make it a useful resource. Short vignettes about women’s sexual experiences are occasionally given to put a face on the topic that is being discussed. It would have been even more helpful if more of these stories were offered to further personalize the book. Although the book’s goal of “sexual health” may seem rather medical, it addresses all the components involved in making a sexually healthy person: psychological, biological, and social health. It is made clear that women of any age, orientation, or physical ability have the right and the ability to own and to enjoy her sexuality. A few topics may have deserved a little more attention: lesbian relationships are mentioned but not fully discussed. Many alternative lifestyles are not discussed, such as prostitution or swinging. This is most likely because the book focuses on the most common problems experienced by women in regards to their sexuality. Despite these omissions, the book will be relevant in some way to most every woman who reads it.
In conclusion, Sex Matters for Women is an excellent tool for promoting insight and discussion and offering practical suggestions to help women feel more in control of their sexuality. Its matter of fact and easy-to-read style has the power to de-pathologize certain sexual problems and reduce the shame and embarrassment that can be associated with discussing sexuality. The information and tips offered in the book could be useful to any women, but most especially to those who are experiencing problems or negativity in regards to their sex lives. Both the psychotherapist and the client will most likely benefit from using this book as a starting point and a springboard for further exploration into a very complicated part of human experience.