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Woman’s Sexualities
By Carol Rinkleib Ellison. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, 1999, 347 pp., $15.95.
Dr. Carol Rinkleib Ellison’s Women’s Sexualities was written to present a picture of how diverse women experience their sexuality, and it presents their stories as a vehicle for the reader to further her own sexual self-acceptance. Light in theory and rich with personal accounts, the book is the result of 70 in-depth interviews and 2,632 survey responses from adult women. These copious narratives serve to enlighten, affirm, and guide. The book serves as an encouragement for women to both accept the sensuality that exists in them and also recognize the potential that it possesses. Each chapter ends with a list of questions for the reader to consider and introspect upon based on the material presented. Topics range from experience of sex in childhood, affairs, masturbation, and the biggest sexual concerns of American women. The final chapter, and the goal of the book, is sexual self-acceptance.
The main audience of Women’s Sexualities is intended, rather obviously, to be for women, although it would not be inappropriate for a man who could benefit from such intimate knowledge of the feminine psyche. Although it seems as if effort is made to explain language and terms that may be unfamiliar to readers, a high-school reading level would still probably be required to easily and fully process the messages of the book, as would an understanding of basic biology and sexual anatomy. As a tool for psychotherapy, this book would be especially useful for a woman who is experiencing shame or discomfort regarding her sexuality, and/or one who is interested in increasing her pleasure within her sexual experiences. As far as addressing a wide spectrum of womanhood, Sexualities has most of that covered, utilizing the experiences of women of all ages, sexual orientations, marital statuses and physical abilities. Different racial and ethnic backgrounds are not mentioned, perhaps because such differences are not assumed to have an effect on the way a woman experiences her sexuality. Nonetheless, diversity is presented in a respectful way, and it is obviously considered to be an important factor in the spectrum of human experience, including sex.
Dr. Ellison appears to be making an effort to keep her clinical voice to a minimum, preferring instead to let the experiences of her interviewees and survey participants steal the show. The opinions and suggestions that she does extend offer little in the way of technique, but they give an alternative way of viewing sex. She suggests that sex is increasingly being viewed as a goal-driven process (the goal being orgasm); when the goal is not met, both partners feel inadequate and experience their sexuality in a negative way. However, by making sex a pleasure-driven process, a way to simply make both partners feel good, the sex becomes an inherently more satisfying, more positive experience. In this vein, she suggests such activities as setting aside special time for sex (rather than subscribing to the notion that the only good sex is that which is spontaneous), creating sensual “rituals” within a relationship that have special meaning to both partners (but do not necessarily culminate in intercourse), and opening a path of communication which allows each partner to ask for what he or she finds the most pleasurable. Most all of the other “advice” in Sexualities is not advice at all, but it is the voices of real women testifying as to what works for them.
The way that information in Sexualities is presented is one of its greatest strengths; possessing none of the cold clinical nature of some journals or the kitschy banter of pop-psych self-help books, it strikes a perfect balance of being educational and entertaining. The women are candid in their narratives whether they be heart-wrenching (as in the stories of abuse) or amusing (“The first crush I ever had on a man was Moe of the Three Stooges”). No matter what the topic, the author is sensitive and always portrays the reactions and experiences of the women as part of the normal sexual spectrum; before every discussion that could possibly involve traumatic memories for the reader, Dr. Ellison gives a gentle reminder that such material can be skipped until the reader is ready to deal with her painful experiences. Practically every woman will find information that will broaden her sexual knowledge and horizon (“I didn’t know that people did that!) and also information about experiences that she has been having all along (“I didn’t know that anyone else did that!). Just knowing that one is not alone in her experiences can be extremely helpful and increase the process of her self-acceptance.
The only weaknesses in the book appear to be errors of omission, and it is possible that things were left out to avoid making the book too unwieldy. However, a discussion about how culture and race affects one’s perception of her sexuality may have applied to many readers, and it would have certainly helped them understand particular culturally-based inhibitions that they may find themselves facing. Also, there is a noticeable lack of discussion about certain physical problems (such as vaginismus or dyspareunia) that could affect desire and cause sexual dysfunction. For women reading this book out of concern that her lack of desire for sex is “all in her head,” recognizing symptoms of a physical disorder in this book could be a godsend and prompt her to look for suitable treatment.
On the whole, Sexualities could open new doors for a woman or couple exploring the positive aspects of her/their sexuality (or trying to move past the negative aspects), and it could prompt excellent discussions between a patient and her psychotherapist. Reading this book would be an especially useful assignment for clients who are feeling alone in their problems or who are unfamiliar with the ranges that exist in human sexuality; it would give a new understanding to what is “normal” and it might add weight to what the psychotherapist is teaching them during therapy. The questions that end each chapter make an excellent segue into deeper issues for further exploration, ones that would not necessarily be considered by client or clinician without suggestion; reading them first would give the client a chance to introspect and be prepared for more work during the session. However, the most helpful part of Sexualities may just be that it gets women actively thinking about this most private area of their lives; this step alone may be one of the most important parts of psychotherapy.