The Mentor's Corner - Summer 2003
Jeff Barnett recently asked members of the list how they address self-care and how it is relevant to them at this point in their training and careers. Here are the responses:
Dan Weinstein responds:
I think this is a great discussion because it seems to be an area that we as psychologists do not talk about very often. Hopefully, we as psychologists practice this more than we talk about it. For myself, I do many of the standard things of self-care to include exercise, try to eat right, get enough sleep, vacations, spending enough quality time with my partner, friends, family, etc.
I am currently building a private practice and in doing so I am considering what types of services I want to provide, what types of clients I want to see, and those who I want to screen and refer out to others. This is to provide some balance in what I do. For example, for me, doing psychotherapy only is too emotionally intense for me and does not quite provide me with enough intellectual stimulation. So I feel like I obtain a better balance if I spend part of my time providing evaluation and assessment services and part of my time conducting psychotherapy. I am also seeking school consultation positions because I realize that taking care of myself involves my doing a variety of different types of tasks.
Another important part of self-care for me is to have other mental health professionals to consult with and to have friends and other social contacts who DO NOT do what I do. This helps prevent me from getting stuck having predominantly psychology-related conversations during my time off. Finally, and to me the most important, is working hard at leaving the work at work. When I leave work I am usually (but not always) able to turn off that light, to let it go, and not think or worry about clients. Sometimes it takes more effort than other times. But for me, it is really important in preventing myself from burning out and becoming too involved in a client’s issues.
Esther Lerman Freeman replies:
I have found that volunteering is an activity that helps me keep a balance in my life and maintain good self-care. Over the years I have followed a recipe for volunteering that works for my life. It keeps me giving to the community while not depleting myself or neglecting my family or my practice. I follow my interests so that wherever I am volunteering it does not feel like work. I choose what is the best way for me to volunteer at a particular point in my life (e.g. if I have caregiver burnout can I give talks, make phone calls, stuff envelopes or do program development, or academic stuff). Then I do an apportionment thing in my head since there are so many things I feel committed to give to, but there is only so much of me to go around. I will choose to volunteer in my children’s school one year, the synagogue the next, the local psychology academy the next, working with the elderly or fundraising for a cause another year. I will always do a little teaching and some free or low fee therapy to keep some volunteer type giving in my regular schedule. I have found that this makes me feel good. I feel like I’ve given something to several different things I care about and that the giving has been a pleasure.
For those of you with kids, my trick with the PTA is to do things that are valuable to them and easy for me and don’t take too much time. I will do a series of lectures for parents or students on whatever psychology topic is needed. I don’t go to meetings or bake or volunteer in the classroom, which are things that take more time and for which they usually have many willing volunteers. I also see things in a life span perspective. When my kids were younger I only gave time in ways that allowed me to be with them (cooking together for soup kitchen, serving meals, visiting nursing homes, teaching their Sunday school class). As they’ve gotten older and I have more time and they have more things of their own to do I give more to the community in different ways. We have to remind ourselves that we don’t have to do it all at once. Hope this helps.
Jessica Rice adds:
I’m really glad the topic of self-care was brought up, as the semester draws to a close and the stress level begins to grow for those of us who are in academia.
I’m not as good at self-care as I’d like to be. I do try to get enough sleep and eat right. I like to do some exercise in the morning, but I’ve recently developed some symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome, and there’s too much pain in my hands to really do much after I wake up. And, the evenings are shot, because I’m spending that time working on my thesis and finishing up applications for PhD programs (I graduate from my masters’ program in May). But, I digress.
I think one of the best things I do, though, is having relationships with people who are not in my graduate program, so that I don’t always have psychology-related conversations. Keeping in contact with my family is good too, because my mother frequently reminds me not to “sweat the small stuff”. But I do find myself getting overly stressed at times, and as a result, my health is not as good as it should be. Any suggestions other than trying not to “lose it” during the last two weeks of the semester would be greatly appreciated.
Jeff Barnett responds further:
Thanks to those who have shared their experiences and thoughts on self-care thus far. I’m hoping others will respond as well. Perhaps even having this online discussion is a form of self-care. Just discussing the issues and normalizing the need to engage in appropriate self-care on an ongoing basis can be beneficial.
With regard to Jessica’s question about what students can do to better get through the tough final weeks of the semester, I’m hoping other students will respond and share what they have found to work well for them. My thoughts include:
- Remember that in the big picture, your grade on a particular test or in a particular course is not the most important thing. It’s easy to get caught up in all-or-nothing thinking. This causes the pressure to be perfect to build and tends to increase stress and lower our effectiveness. Ironic, isn’t it? (From one speaking from experience.).
- Look around at all the students in the class one year ahead of you. Now think to yourself “If they could do this, so can I.” (And, it’s true!).
- Plan ahead and remember that everything always takes longer than anticipated. How many times have I said “If I only had one more day I could really do a great job on this”?
- There’s strength in numbers and isolation is our enemy. Keep in touch with friends and family.
- Try to stick with your usual routine as much as possible. So, take your run, go for a walk, eat well, take in a movie Friday evening, etc. Use study breaks to reward yourself for your hard work. Plan to do things you enjoy during these planned breaks. It’s helpful to get up, stretch, get moving, and really have a break from your work. How many games of Space Invaders and Ms. Pac Man did I play at the Student Union during study times? (Yes, that was a long time ago.).
- Don’t allow yourself to waste time thinking about how much work you have to do and how little time you have left. Every second you spend on this self-defeating activity is one less second spent taking you closer to your objective. Just get to work and keep working. The more you work, the closer you’re getting to your goal.
I hope this is of some help, even if only for the diversion from all the study you’re doing and all the papers you’re writing. Good luck.
Meredith Bledsoe adds:
I have also found this discussion on self-care quite interesting and relevant. As a first year doctoral student in counseling psychology I am getting used to being in school again (it’s been 4 years since I finished my master’s). Anyway, I remember in the interviews everyone talking about living a balanced life. I totally agreed with the idea and still do--only now I know how much of a commitment it is. In terms of self-care I try to do what other people have already said--relax, watch TV, cook, read non-psychology books, play the piano, talk to friends, etc. The most important thing I have realized is that there is ALWAYS something that can be done. And it is important to sometimes just wait and do it later.
As for the end of the semester, I think being as organized as possible will help. Doing things sooner rather than later will help too. I know I’ll be getting a couple of take home exams this week that aren’t due for a couple weeks. My goal is to try to get at least one of them done this weekend. I’ve learned that when you actually start doing the work, it doesn’t take that long--it’s all the stress and thinking about it beforehand that takes up so much precious time.
And finally, life can be short. I think it’s important to enjoy the experience of being in school. It’s not always easy, but worth a shot. Thanks for the topic--it’s a good one.
Steve Walfish contributes:
I was sitting here reading this thread and starting to feel bad that I did not have anything to contribute. I must admit that in general I do not believe that I participate in adequate self-care. I work/participate a great deal in psychology-related activities. I do so, at least my self-awareness, because I love what I do. In addition to my practice and teaching this year I have always participated in what attorneys might call non-billable hours. I have published about 30 papers in the past 10-15 years, none of which I was reimbursed for. Participating on list-serves such as this one is non-reimbursable. Mentoring students and new professionals brings me no direct reimbursement. While philosophically I believe that being generous with my time, expertise, and experience leads to good things for myself in the long run, I do these things because they are immediately enjoyable to me. However, they probably keep me over-involved with psychology and reduce my having a more balanced life.
However, I did realize from this thread that I may engage in more self-care than I had originally conceptualized because it is not on an everyday-weekly basis. That is, I usually take about six weeks of vacation a year. At least one of these is for two weeks and the others are for a week and I also take days here and there. My nephew, a college graduate, is an assistant manager at a major bookstore. He started off with one week of vacation a year and may build up, if he stays, to a couple of weeks in a couple of years. When I heard this I realized how difficult it would be for me to work in a situation where my vacation time was limited. This is an important part of my self-care.
Finally, here are four relevant points to consider from Eric Goplerud’s book chapter titled “Stress and Stress Mastery in Graduate School” for psychology students:
(1) Get rid of trivial obligations which sidetrack you from your goals;
(2) There is always going to be more work than you can handle. Set work priorities.
(3) Reassess any needs that you have to perform perfectly on final exams and papers.
(4) Obtain social support (emotional and practical) but avoid anxiety contagion from your peers.
Daniel Brown contributes:
Regarding self-care, I find it helpful to lead a balanced life as other members have suggested. It has to be a way of life, however, leading up to the final weeks of the semester. It makes that last portion of the semester all the more bearable. Taking breaks is probably my most frequented “coping” method, as is sleeping well, eating right, and separating my home life from my school work life (I don’t do homework at home). I’d stay away from sugar and take it easy on the caffeine, Being sugared up during tense times is a recipe for disaster (can add to sleepiness). Eating lighter meals throughout the day could sustain your energy level. Not only will your metabolism continuously be working but you won’t get that sleepy effect after a large meal, especially if it’s low in carbohydrates. Some intense exercise is always a picker-upper, as well.
Sarah Keedy replies:
Respondents to this topic have expressed the common theme of finding activities that take them pleasantly away (mentally) from the work of psychology. As I have progressed through graduate school, I have focused on a balanced life as much as possible, and agree with the general strategy previously described. I would add that it has also been important to implement these strategies GUILT-FREE. I cannot claim total victory on that front yet, but I work on it by examining the evidence. Whenever I am tempted to put some activity I engaged in shamefully in the “goofing off” column instead of the “preventing stress” or “being a whole human being” columns, I think about how I am a good student, accomplishing my goals and getting good feedback about my progress. I would note that the guilt is self-imposed, as faculty in my department have been fairly non-directive in what I do with personal life. I know that’s my own personal experience and others have had more challenging relationships with mentors. In either case, self-care will be enhanced by believing we deserve it.
For the curious, my activities include exercise (using the treadmill and weight lifting while watching taped TV shows), cooking & dinners with non-psychology friends, computer gaming, going to see local bands, writing non-psychology stuff, and a host of other little things that keep me connected to my loved ones. Pretty mundane but blissful to me.
Dr. Barnett gave a great list of advice to the question specifically for graduate students handling that end-of-term crunch time. My strategy included adding a layer of organization. In addition to my daily planner, I created a large calendar page that I posted near my home workspace, noting deadlines and exam dates. Then I plotted out which days I would devote to each one, and how many hours on each day I could EXPECT to devote. Whether I stuck to it or not may have been secondary to the larger process of facing and ACCEPTING the limited time available for each task.
Mitch Hicks adds:
Whenever I am tempted to put some activity I engaged in shamefully in the “goofing off” column instead of the “preventing stress” or “being a whole human being” columns, I think about how I am a good student, accomplishing my goals and getting good feedback about my progress.
Personally, I consider “goofing off” to be central to my humanness. Playing guitar, golf, computer games, or hanging with friends are the ways that I have chosen to be more balanced in life. Do some of these fit in the “goofing off” category? Absolutely, and that’s beautiful. Part of my own self care is the recognition that not everything I do must have a stated purpose past the shear joy and/or pleasure I get from doing it. Is it a “waste of time” to play video games? YES, and that’s exactly what I need to do when I do it.
Incidentally, goofing off does not include spending time with my wife or friends. No, it’s not work (usually), but it does serve higher purposes.
(Just some thoughts while goofing off rather than writing treatment notes!)
Ken Pope contributes:
I’ve appreciated the thoughtful discussion of self-care. Many of the approaches others have described as useful (e.g., making music, arranging adequate vacations) have been vital in my own life. One resource I’ve found particularly helpful has been taking time at least once a year to think through what I’m doing, to see what changes I need to make sure that what I’m doing meets my needs, fits with my deepest values, and is what I’d rather be doing than anything else in the world.
This started in college and led me to take off years to work between college and grad school, to change disciplines in grad school, and to make significant changes every year since then.
In psychology graduate school it led me to talk with faculty and administration each year about how I thought I could better meet my needs and get a better education. Sometimes it took a formal petition to the department chair or director of clinical training, but usually some creative solution was available.
In independent practice, it’s been essential. By setting aside time to re-evaluate and think creatively, I’ve been able to take new paths that have been meaningful and fulfilling to me and to stay on paths that seem the best fit for how I want to spend my life.
It is so easy to “settle” for studies and work that are somehow “off” for us as individuals, that don’t reflect our own fundamental values, that end up draining, demoralizing, or deadening us, or lulling us into empty habits, getting through the day (week, year, life). They are the kind of studies and work that take more from our lives than they give in terms of joy, meaning, or fulfillment. It seems so important to make our choices in life rather than to let them be made for us by default, lack of attention, inertia, etc.
For me, this aspect of self-care has been one of the most helpful.
Kate Hays shares:
Phew! I’m so glad that this thread has kept on keeping on for many days--both because it deserves lots of space/time/voices and also because it’s taken until now for me to have (make) time to chime in. So--a few of my thoughts:
I’ll underscore others’ comments about the value of things other than practicing psychology. In particular, for me they include exercise, music making, attention to beauty in the world, and human connections that are filling. Beginning to exercise, ten years after completing grad school, and discovering the positive mental effects that occurred--and it was at a time of high personal stress for me--was what got me into learning about sport psychology, and ultimately, and what then became an opportunity for me to encourage others to be more physically active for the mental as well as physical effects. (Insert commercial about here: author of recent book on the subject, “Move your body, tone your mood”). Music making at present involves singing in an auditioned chorus, playing/performing early music (recorder), and taking voice lessons. Attention to beauty...was more obviously easy when living in rural NH. In a big city, I look to--oh, at the moment, the reflections and play of light, a valiant flower blooming brightly, or, on a more predictable basis, volunteering regularly at the fine arts museum. The human connections are both within my home, and in finding (and yes, in a new community it takes active work) and nurturing friendship, engaging with a peer supervision group, and email connections.
I think the underlying aspect, though, is in finding--and regularly reviewing and modifying--a sense of balance. I think of some of the polar endpoints as including:
- intensity and relaxation
- varying types of exercise (aerobic-calming)
- “left brain” and “right brain”
- varying types of work--for me that means working with and on clinical stuff and performance enhancement stuff, as well as actively keeping work days free for writing
I also marvel, not infrequently, at how unutterably fortunate I am/we are to be in a profession that allows me to do self-contemplation and self-reflection as part of my work. I may, on the outside, be asking clients questions or commenting on what their issues are. Inside, there’s almost always some part of me that’s asking, searching, reflecting, wondering, learning, re-shaping, organizing, creating in relation to my own life.
I don’t think anyone’s yet mentioned an excellent new book from APA: Caring for ourselves: A therapist’s guide to personal and professional well-being, by Ellen Baker, a psychologist in independent practice in DC. Ellen encourages journaling as a way to further understand and explore ourselves, and does a great job of “priming the pump” with questions that we can ask in this on-going, life-long quest.
Jeff Barnett concludes:
Thanks to all who have contributed to this discussion on self-care. The diversity of specific interests and techniques used is great. But, the key is to make this a regular part of our lives. Getting started with these good habits while in graduate school seems like such an important thing to do. We’re in such a personally demanding profession and it’s so easy to only see ourselves in the caregiver role. But, it’s very healthy to see ourselves as vulnerable to distress and impairment, and in need of ongoing self-care activities. Prevention is so much better than the alternative. I’ve learned a lot from all the great posts on this topic. Just consciously thinking about these issues and forcing ourselves to assess our individual self-care efforts seems like a great place to start. Thanks