Is There a Mentor in Your Life (I Certainly Hope So)
Every graduate student's life is filled with professors and supervisors. Typically they run the full spectrum from the harried, busy professionals who share some part of their knowledge with us along the way to the caring, committed, involved professional who not only does an outstanding job teaching and supervising, but also takes a personal interest in our lives and makes a difference in them. The later is known as a mentor. Mentors are those who at a minimum achieve excellence in their given field and do a great job of sharing what they know in a caring manner that never leaves us feeling embarrassed, belittled, or that we are bothering them when we ask for their assistance or time. Mentors are those who gladly take extra time with us when needed because they have a clear commitment to our professional and personal development. Mentors share their time and energy with us freely and gladly. They seem to enjoy interacting with us and they go the extra distance to get to know us personally and give us the experiences we need to develop as professionals. They don’t closely guard their time and expertise; they give them freely.
Some psychologists go through their entire careers without ever having a mentoring relationship. Others are fortunate enough to experience several as they move through different phases of their career development. Those who don’t experience this career sustaining and developing relationship are truly missing out on much of what our profession has to offer.
Some graduate schools, training programs, and employment settings assign mentors to students and trainees upon their arrival. While this is laudable, this is not necessarily the mentoring relationship I am describing. True mentor protégé relationships are developed between two individuals over time, not assigned. It typically starts with a competent, invested, and caring expert/trainer and a willing student/trainee who is hard working, open, and free from defensiveness. The relationship develops as the trainer sees the great potential the trainee has and sees the trainee as special; perhaps seeing the trainee as much like him or herself at that point in their career. The trainee sees the trainer as a potentially valuable resource and guide. Mutual sharing beyond the confines of the formal educational or training relationship occurs and the nascent mentor takes a personal interest in the life, education, and career of the potential protégé. They certainly like each other, but something more is present. Genuine caring is evident and an atmosphere of mutual respect develops.
I’m not sure exactly when it happens, but for the fortunate, one day each party just realizes they have a special relationship that is rewarding to both. There’s something more going on here than with most other professors and supervisors. Don’t misunderstand the use of the word ‘special.’ No boundaries are violated; the protégé is not ever taken advantage of; and all of the mentor’s actions are designed to be in the protégé’s best interest. But, special it is.
Mentors serve as professional role models. They add an important extra dimension to our lives and professional development. They are individuals we can go to at any time and ask for advice. They share with us stories from their careers, training, and lives. They don’t just share the veneer of competence and professionalism; they share about their struggles balancing competing demands, making important career decisions, and dealing with challenging situations. But good mentors do even more. They include us in their professional activities. It might be including us as a co-author of an article or chapter or including us as co-presenters at a conference. It could be getting you involved in a professional association, introducing you to colleagues at conventions and professional association meetings, and including us in the social aspects of these events. It could be guiding you through the morass that is known as the internship application process. It usually involves pushing you further than you anticipated going, but being so glad for it once you get there. Mentors give us opportunities we would not ordinarily have. It’s up to us to make the most of them.
The mentoring relationship is a vital part of our professional development that is of great importance at each stage throughout our careers. So often we have examples of ‘how not to be’ in our lives, the mentor gives us an example of ‘how to be.’ Mentors lead by example. They are passing something on to us that we will hopefully pass on to others. When they look at us they see not just what we are, but what we can be. They instill confidence in us and guide us.
Don’t settle merely for excellence in teaching and training. Seek out mentors. It will require much more of you, but the investment will prove worth it many times over. The positive impression they leave is lasting.
In Memory of:
Timothy B. Jeffrey, Ph.D.
In Honor of My Other Mentors:
Tony Zold, Ph.D., Andy Stropko, Ph.D., Bob Brown, Ph.D.
Dorothy Cantor, Psy.D., & Elaine Rodino, Ph.D.