• Remember that children need to be sufficiently mature to be able to conform to your expectations and that rushing them or pressing for "proper" behavior when children aren't developmentally ready can lead to frustration for everyone.
• Look at the temperament, stage of development, and environment of your child. Do not compare your child with his/her siblings. There is a range of what is normal. Talk with other parents.
• Do set norms. Children need to learn to be more self-contained and 'grown up' even if the learning is accompanied by some tension.
• Keep the rules simple.
• Pick your battles and limit them to the most important things.
• Remember that your child may need several trials before learning a new task. Be patient. Give prompts BEFORE the toddler will be engaging in an activity that is being learned (e.g.,"Now remember to put your napkin in your lap when you sit down for dinner.")
• Be a good role model. If you want a toddler/child to behave in certain ways, it is very important that parents also behave in these ways. Modeling is a large part of what children learn.
• Acknowledge and reward good behavior and efforts, over and over again. And try to show the child how to comply and please you rather than scolding or punishing for 'bad' behavior (e.g., "How wonderful! You sat in the market cart for a long time while Daddy pushed it around, and you listened without crying when I told you that you could not have the candy. That was hard! Way to go!")

Use resources. Remember that parents don't have to go it alone. Psychologists are frequently contacted to assist parents with common problems such as:

• how to get a toddler to sleep through the night in his or her own room
• how to get a child to be more flexible and to deal with shifts in focus
• how to get a child to listen or obey and help the parents with child versus parental control issues